driving lane

the other day i lived that episode of Seinfeld where kramer adopts a mile of highway and paints over the lines to make it one wide lane. for no apparent reason (maybe they were under budget), the county of henrico decided to resurface a 300-yard section of nine mile road.

you know how this works. you’re driving to work one morning, you go through the light by kmart, and with no warning your car drops a few inches. now, you feel the way you do when you get stuck with the retarded shopping cart (and you always get stuck with the retarded shopping cart) because the road is milled and all your car wants to do is drift to the left and into other cars.

[time passes.]

you go through the light by kmart, and you pleasantly notice that your car no longer plummets. now there’s a slight bump that launches you onto smooth pavement, devoid of all lines whatsoever. traffic flows as usual: two lanes on this side, two lanes on that side. this is peculiar because ...

[time passes.]

you go through the light by kmart, and note the freshly painted double yellow line. you’d move to the left lane to pass the slow guy with the unending turn signal, but you can’t because he’s driving in the dead middle of what was formerly two lanes... and so is the guy in front of him. and so are the people in oncoming traffic.

there’s a perfectly clear stopping and restarting of dotted white lines on the fringes of the resurfaced road, and everyone was fine the other day when there were no lines; but the application of yellow has affected us somehow. people who’ve driven this road for years have forgotten that it’s a four-lane road. who can explain the human condition?

it’s like elaine said as she was weaving back and forth, "it’s so luxurious!" maybe people around here just really enjoy Seinfeld.