And Another Thing

Part One
Last week, I was driving home from work and discovered that a relatively substantial spider was living in my car. As the sun set and I tried to focus on the road in front of me rather than the arachnid, I saw him wander back and forth and back and forth across my windshield for the full 40-minute commute.

When I first spotted him, my first reaction wasn't panic ... Nor was it elation at the fact that I was suddenly at the mercy of an eight-legged critter that could very well be deadly. I had one simple and immediate thought:

"Denise would totally freak out at this."

And it made me laugh. Denise would totally freak out. She would scream and drop her phone ... And probably her nail polish and eyelash curler. She would bat wildly and without abandon at the poor thing, and if she didn't crush it with a rogue flip flop she'd managed to find in the car, she would spring from the vehicle the moment she got home and order Jim, Chris, Cody or any available human in the general vicinity to kill it instantly.

She would! And she'll admit it! Ask her ...

Anyway, I decided not to bat wildly at anything. I made sure I was aware of the spider's location at all times, and when it approached the lower left side of the window, I blasted the fan; Thereby rerouting him rather quickly. I don't know what I would have done had he decided to crawl onto the visor. I knew that was a possibility, but I had no plan. I probably would have called Denise to scream.

Part Two
As it happens, today was pretty cold. When I left the house for the one and only time I decided to wear a pair of boots that have been in the coat closet for quite some time.

Before putting them on, I turned them upside down and shook them ... I even beat them on the porch railing a bit to dislodge any potential residents. Confident that I was in the clear, I put them on and discovered no trouble whatsoever.

About 15 minutes later, as I was in the car and exiting 295, I felt what I thought was a tiny bit of crawling under my right toe. And what did I do? I thought of Denise and I laughed ... A bit ... It was conclusively not the same kind of laugh I uttered on the day of the spider. It was unsure.

My eyes widened, as the crawling made it's way down my foot.

"Oh my God!" I squealed as I approached the first light ... Which was green. By the second green light I really was laughing (and still squealing), and whatever was in my shoe had migrated to the arch of my foot. Thankfully, the third light was red.

In a rush, I stopped the car, put it in park, hit the button to make my window go down, and wrenched off my shoe. I batted at my foot and shook the boot out the window.

Honestly, I have no idea what the intruder was. I like to think it was some kind of ancient dust ball or a tiny, dead, formerly-crawly thing, but I'll never know for sure.

The light changed, and I made the turn into my destination. In the parking lot, I put my shoe back on and spent a moment laughing at myself ... In a totally freaked out kind of way.