i read so many things today that were composed of such obviously self-indulgent words that i started removing random phrases from the parts i was allowed to edit.
in my own, flat style, i'd just like to say that not 45 seconds ago i accidentally swallowed an ice cube. at first i thought i might die, but once it was down, i realized that everything was ok. what did i think about in that brief moment of panic? emily dickinson. "after great pain." not that swallowing an ice cube is painful ... or deadly. you might choke for a few seconds, but soon it would melt and the episode would be over. hopefully no one was around to see. i have a sore throat, but that's not related at all. why do you think i had ice in my mouth in the first place?
i was in ihop this afternoon when someone tripped the fire alarm. business as usual. when the alarm went off at work last week, it had barley gotten through the first buzz when all the women had grabbed their purses and headed for the stair cases where they were shoved around by the fleeing men. chivalry is dead. every man for himself. in the restaurant, tho, not one head was lifted. not one plate of pancakes had failed to be served, not one order was interrupted. even the bus boy continued picking up empty coffee cups. i guess if i had to work there, i wouldn't mind being burned alive, either.
the middle man is lonely. he passes the document from the author to the publisher and back again. and again. but even he gets complimented on his timing every now and then. it doesn't mean much.
i saw the greatest thing today. the guy in the polo shirt, khaki pants, and white saturn stopped two lanes of traffic to carry a sizeable turtle to safety. then the guy behind me honked and i had to flip him off. get over it. the light will turn green again. i promise.
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