everything is free

i wish i had the transcript of the commercial i saw this morning during the sunday morning "road rules" rerun. i'll try to paraphrase it for you simply because it's priceless:

"call the number on your screen to get a free sample of [i don't know ... fast focus? some kind of memory drug]. pay nothing now. if you like it, call us again and we'll tell you how you can buy more."
then came the testimonials: "once i tried my free sample, i just knew i had to buy it." "it'll change your life."

then came the company president: "i've been using [whatever drug this is] for more than five years. i don't know what i'd do without it. call now for your trial sample and see how it can help you, too."

for a moment i considered calling. the first fix is free ... how can anyone turn that down? i remember that greasy kid who hung out behind the tennis courts at the park and made the same offer to my friends and me all those years ago and the experience came rushing back. the first few harmless hits were easy and cheap. the endless pain of addiction followed fast. over time, i'd tested the strength and patience of my friends and family. then came the intervention and the years of wearing slippers and white cotton in rehab.

look at me now. i've gained all of my doctors' trust and confidence, and i've been released to once again join society and live a "normal" life ... but without any sharp objects in the house ... or medication ... or rope ... or extension cords ... or inhalants. hey, i just found a dryer sheet in my sleeve.

anyway! i'm now left to wonder: who the hell approved this advertising campaign? who looked at the script and said, "brilliant! let's do this ... i'm excited to be a part of it!" come on, it's such a novel and noble idea ... pushing free drugs to an unsuspecting public.

someone should call the better business bureau ... or 12 news "on your side" ... or, i don't know, the cops ... or maybe just the number for free drugs ...