May 3, 2010

May I be excused?

It's 4 p.m. and, no, you can't have a cookie. Or ice cream. Or potato chips.

Why not?

Mom and Grandma both say "because you'll spoil your dinner."

It's a truth that's been passed down through the generations since the invention of between-meal snacks. Eating before dinner makes you un-hungry for dinner and then you get in trouble and end up having to sit at the table through The Cosby Show because you're still trying to clean your plate.

It's interesting to pause and note that between-meal snacks were a factor in instigating the French Revolution. The aristocrats spent a lot of their free time (and all they had was time) bragging to the hungry masses about their fresh croissants and assorted pastries. The rest is history.

Anyway, it was bound to happen that some ambitious and shady American doctor would eventually put a name, label and price on the dinner-spoiling industry. As seen on TV, that doctor's creation is the Full Bar.

Advertised as being "inspired by weight loss surgery principles," Full Bar is supposedly a natural way to help you lose weight by making you eating less. Brilliantly, the product's Web site notes that "when you feel full, you eat less." So, if you fill up part of your stomach before mealtime, your stomach will fill with less food at mealtime.

If I was at all a responsible kind of person, I would have put that whole paragraph in quotes, except for the sarcastic bits, but I'm simply laughing too much to bother.

A minuscule amount of research as uncovered three facts about Full Bar:
  1. It's made of natural ingredients, which include puffed wheat cereal and sugar.
  2. Full Bar contains no nutritional value, appetite suppressants or fat burners.
  3. 24 Full Bars will cost you $50. Plus shipping.
It seems that we've had this whole "weight loss" phenomenon all wrong! It's not about how much you eat, or even what you eat. It's not about ingredients or will power or calories or carbs or sugar or vitamins or exercise. Turns out, it's all about timing your eating properly. Would you believe that if you eat one of these expensive non-nutritional snacks 30 minutes before you eat dinner, you won't be as hungry for dinner?

Of course you believe it! You were raised to believe it.

Mom, Grandma and the French have been right all along. They should get some royalties out of this.

So, I take it back ... Have a cookie. Have some ice cream. Have a Full Bar. Knock yourself out, and watch the pounds melt away.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
1. Alcohol
2. Drugs
3. Preditory "earning"
4. Homosexuality
5. Gambling
6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO.
It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. RZevelry will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles will survive the 1000 years. They will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during Planet Earth's history.
If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial element in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.

Only children go to heaven. By the time you hit puberty it is too late. This is charecteristic of the gods:::Once you realize what you have lost it is too late.
Now you are faced with a lifetime to work and prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.

Jin The Nameless said...

Haha, French aristocrats watching the Crosby show and eating croissants to lose weight. Epic.