a letter to john f. street

dear mr. mayor,

i took this class at work a few months ago that was all about how to write efficient email and run efficient meetings. in the closing moments, we learned how to offer feedback to people who hadn't taken the class on the efficiency of their email and meetings.

when someone sends you a message that's a big block of impossible-to-read text, you're supposed to write back using this formula: open with something nice, offer your "constructive criticism," close with another nice thing. it'll leave them feeling warm and fuzzy about you, which i guess is good since you probably don't want people you have to work with every day thinking you're some kind of judgmental bitch. the technique is called "sandwiching," and i'm going to use it now ...

i recently had the pleasure of visiting the city of brotherly love, which is a name your distinguished metropolis unquestionably lives up to. i've never been in an environment so rank with friendliness ... from the guy power-washing the sidewalk who stopped waving the hose around to let you walk by to the guy who ended up firing the other guy because the stromboli took too long ... the love was practically palpable.

however (that's how you can tell this is the "criticism" part, but i'll still say some nice things in it so's you don't really notice the negativity), upon arrival at the museum of art, instead of being greeted by a triumphant rocky balboa, i was greeted only by shock and horror. and i know for a fact that i wasn't the only one. where there should have been a statue, there was only a pair of shoe prints.

the nothing-if-not-pleasant museum desk attendant inside said that the statue had been moved because "the hoity-toity art enthusiasts thought it was tacky." apparently we've found the sect of the city that isn't on board with the whole "brotherly" thing. i think you should work on that. i'm just glad the statue wasn't destroyed. but let me ask you ... which is tackier? all of rocky on the steps or just his shoes? or is it the creepy statue of the guy strangling a bird?

seriously, which is it? i've been thinking about it all day and can't decide.

thank you, tho, for leaving the button and the clothes pin intact and exactly where the internet said they'd be. they were more than worth the trip. liberty hall was ok, too. i don't really have anything to say about the liberty bell, because it was closed (how can that even be?), so that sucked. but! i've already transitioned back to the nice part of the sandwich and will refrain from saying more ugly things.

speaking of sandwiches and ugliness, i can hardly wait to return to philly to try cheese steak from the famous restaurant that birthed it ... whatever that establishment might be called. i hear it's a mediocre at best meal, and that's good enough for me.

keep up the stellar mayoring work, and please let me know when rocky has been restored to his rightful perch.

thanks for the hospitality!