my relationship with carbohydrates

in the beginning, there were peanut butter and potato chip sandwiches. you're going to eat them both anyway. why not just put them together? besides, the chips help to alleviate some of the sticky mouth issues related to peanut butter while at the same time provide a little crunch and texture.

then there were mashed potatoes with both lunch and dinner every day of the week. on the rare occasion that they were excluded from the menu, there was a baked potato bar. and a pasta bar. with accompanying bread. for the sauce, you know.

then there were things like tuna noodle casserole, hamburger helper, chinese takeout, chocolate chip cookies, lipton italian sides, and red robin.

last week, there was soup. lots and lots of soup. you might call it "oodles." there was also turkey soup (guess where that came from). but it wasn't frozen with noodles, so you had to make them separately. there was a loaf of toast. and one bagel.

why are we afraid of carbohydrates? here's your answer:

oprah.

that's right, oprah.

what other media mogul has captured our attention and our hearts as much as oprah? this is the woman who is the model of all charity. her favorite things are expensive trinkets that you'll get as your next hostess gift. and, as much as it makes my skin crawl (which is a lot, by the way), her name is emblazened on the cover of "East of Eden" ... above steinbeck's.

hang on ... i need to regroup.

she's the voice of women across the country. poor women, famous women, sexually molested women, women with poor decorating taste, mothers, daughters, friends, heroes, singers, marathon runners, john travolta. she made jury duty famous and probably has some pretty serious political views, but i don't know anything about them because one of our primary fascinations with oprah is her weight.

for years we've watched her own personal struggle with yo-yo diets. but look at her now! smiling on the cover of every month's edition of "O" magazine. how can she do that? she probably cut out the carbs. and if it's good enough for oprah, it's good enough for everyone else. she's a beacon, for crying out loud!

is her name on the cover of atkins' diet book? how 'bout the south beach diet? dunno ... i've been busy reading other things. and eating popcorn.