ironic

it's a tragedy. and a surprise.

for real.

in the not so distant past, the CEO of McDonald's died of a sudden heart attack.

wait ... did i say surprise? that can't be the right word. what is the right word? i'll think of it.

in honor ... er, sorry ... in memoriam of the late, great jim cantalupo, the fast food behemoth (don't i sound like a journalist? only journalists use that word.) has introduced the adult happy meal under the pretense that an adult's love of salad, water, and a step-o-meter is equal to a child's love of cheeseburgers, fries, and harmful if swallowed plastic.

wow. who did the research on that one?

it looks like the meal probably comes in a fancy little box like happy meals come in ... i mean ... like happy meals used to come in ... before the accounting department successfully completed "project paper bag."

enticed? i can tell. you're wondering how much this miracle meal will cost you at the drive-thru. wonder no longer: $5.99. holy hell. you can go to ruby tuesday's and get the salad bar and a glass of water for like $1.99. but i digress. i'm sure the price will drop as soon as the accounting department is consulted again. those people are full of great ideas. fingers crossed, they'll go back to styrofoam.

how many step-o-meters do you need anyway?