pandora's box

yesterday i had the opportunity to tell someone exactly what i thought of him ... and i took it.

typically, i'm a diplomat. in my job, i spend a fair amount of time negotiating and being apathetic. i've become extremely adept (if i do say so myself, thank you) at telling people that they can't have what they want without causing [much of] a stir ... often, they end up thanking me. it rocks.

however, because of my genetic make-up, being nice all the time takes a lot out of me. it's like in dirk gently's holistic detective agency when the ghost of gordon way is trying to be noticed. he simply must let someone know that he still exists, but any form of materialization takes a great deal of energy and leaves him exhausted.

to prevent myself from being exhausted by all of the nice, i find ways to blow off a little steam between bouts of smiling and accommodation. for example, at the end of a perfectly pleasant phone conversation that ends the way i wanted it to, i may hang up the phone, wipe the happy expression off my face - on the phone, it's easy to tell if someone is smiling - and mutter, "idiot." then all is balanced.

would i ever call someone an idiot to their face? only if we're related by blood or friendship. most everyone else is out of bounds ... until i'm beyond fed up. this last part was yesterday's discovery.

i'll spare you the details, but tell you this ... this may be a turning point. i wasn't going to be charmed or guilted, but i was going to stand up for myself and not censor my feelings for the sake of someone else's.

every time he said, "sorry" i said "thank you."

it felt amazing.

i want to do it again.

what a nerd

it's saturday nite and i'm watching Antiques Roadshow.

there are all these old people getting estimates on all their old things and i'm looking around my little house wondering what i'd take to the Roadshow ... and there really isn't anything ... and then i start thinking about a conversation alicia and i had a while back about the death of the sitcom.

since the advent of reality, we've been witnessing the last, sad gasps of the situation. (e.g., exhibit A, exhibit B) sure, the Roadshow is probably considered reality, but it's educational and interesting. there's no plotting or scheming and no one gets hurt or goes hungry or loses their job or their self respect.

all they do is dig around in their attic or their neighbor's yard sale and apparently stand in line for hours and hours to find out if they have junk or some kind of national treasure. hmmmmmmm ... i wonder what that ratio is. and then i worry.

is Antiques Roadshow doomed? will mass production and knock-off merchandising choke our sense of originality and value? in 150 years, no one's gonna be interested in finding the sterling silver necklace that i bought at kohl's or the press board entertainment center that's holding up my TV. if they do find it, they won't have to worry about decreasing it's value by refinishing it.

maybe while they're digging around in the dirt, they'll find my toolbox. believe me, there's nothing interesting in there. except, of course, for the level i bought at the dollar store ... can anyone really trust it? maybe that'll make it a novelty.

how many pieces of handmade clothing do you own? do you have any personal correspondence of anyone of note? where did your dining room table come from? what about your "oriental" rugs?

i'm guessing the answers are none , no, and home depot. not that there's anything wrong with that. pretty much everything i own came from target, bed bath and beyond, and hecht's before it turned into stupid macy's.

so, we're not craftsmen anymore.

well, some of us are ... alicia's great-grandchildren will have some pretty valuable antiques ...

anyway! we don't live in dust bowls or harvest our own food, find drugs fashionable, or chop down trees in the interest of building our own furniture. instead, we listen to iPods, play video games, send email, and sometimes we even blog.

i don't think the Roadshow is doomed. i really just think in 20 years time, we'll start seeing the turn toward electronic antiques. by the time the conversion is complete, the appraisers will all have long hair, pale skin and appear to be uncomfortable with the lighting ... and the show will be filmed in a warehouse basement.

it's gonna be great.

i hope that when my grandkids (ha!) decide to go, they hit up their great uncle who will have the room brimming with the history of technology. who else is still going to have the Apple IIe with Swashbuckler and Castle Wolfenstein?

actually, i do know who else ... and his baby girl is going to be rich!

all i really have to offer is a scratched up cell phone and a VCR that won't record or rewind. i may never have the chance to take or send anything, but that won't stop me from watching.

i'm so glad i have plans every saturday nite for the rest of my life ... that's a load off.