it's probably too late

i've said it before and i'll say it again ... and again ... and probably again: i don't know what's wrong with me.

i want to take the new SAT.

come on! it has an essay and you don't have to do those vocabulary analogies anymore.

472. aluminum: gravy; tolerance: _________

a. szechuan
b. anemia
c. platitude
d. france
e. ebay

this might be the extra push i need to get into the business of writing random essays and selling them on the internet to high school graduate hopefuls ... or to anyone who wants to buy them ... i'm not picky about audience.

according to cnn.com, one of the SAT questions you might get saddled with asks if creativity has a place in a contemporary world. holy hell! what are high schools teaching if anyone says "no"? i could totally write an essay about that in 25 minutes. i'm on the verge, actually. but i'll refrain. i'm sure you're not interested in my views on creativity. rather, you could probably guess them if you've known me for any length of time. 15 minutes qualifies as a length of time.

so! is that where i've been all this time? investigating the moral repercussions of selling my writing to high school students? nah. i've been doing things that are moderately less morally reprehensible than that. i've mostly been "working from home" and plotting the demise of a so-called "doctor."

to be perfectly honest, when i say "working from home" what i really mean is: working from home. i actually got a lot done last month from the comfort of my own kitchen ... with dial-up nonetheless! and you'd be surprised at the number of afternoons i spent at home without watching days of our lives. i don’t even know what those crazy salemites are up to anymore.

has philip been killed in iraq, enabling belle and shawn to get back together? is john a complete junkie or has he kicked it? is jack off the fishing boat? is mrs. h. still alive?

however, you might be a little less surprised to know how many afternoons i spent listening to back-to-back episodes of the family feud.

richard says, "name a talent you wish you had." and the woman says "communication."

how disturbing do i find that? let's just say i could write an essay.