carpe dumb

it was a 9 a.m. meeting on my first day back to work after having attended two days of training. the room was filled to capacity with high-powered managers who really had nothing in particular to say to me (likewise), and i was concentrating on keeping my stomach from growling since i'd managed to hit snooze three too many times.

then my neck started to itch. right at the nape. when i turned to either my right or left, as i feigned paying attention to what everyone was saying, the itching intensified. i rolled my turtleneck down a bit to scratch the affected area and came to a horrifying conclusion.

you can imagine my shock at realizing 20 minutes into a 60-minute meeting that my shirt was on backwards. those were 40 of the longest minutes ever.

talk about unknowingly doing something stupid.

at least i didn't drive a 4-inch nail into my brain and cease to realize it until 6 days later at the dentist.

apparently everyone hears about these things before i do. maybe i need to start keeping a current events journal. regardless, i couldn't just let this one slip by unnoticed.

so there you are at work ... working ... when all of a sudden, and unbeknownst to you, a renegade nail flies into your mouth, through it's roof, and plants itself neatly beside your eye. when you decide ice cream isn't helping the pain, you see a professional.

i don't know what kind of preoccupation would keep me from noticing that. maybe i'm being chased by a pack of ravenous hyenas, maybe denise is telling me that the elton john concert is sold out and we don't have tickets (but we do now ... that was close ... too close), or maybe i'm trying to figure out that worthless printer on the third floor ... yeah, the one that never works and has been kicked more than a few times by more than a few people. all of that requires some serious concentration that might make me oblivious to the fact that i've just jammed a sharp piece of metal into my head.

but seriously, workplace injuries are no laughing matter. one time, i gave myself a nasty paper cut just below the nail of my left thumb. i didn't notice it until i washed my hands and got all kinds of soap in it. and then it kept opening every time i hit the space bar. how i got that one, i'll never know ... but i do pay a lot more attention to the paper products at my desk now. i'm just glad that trauma is behind me.