never to be forgotten: the corn maze
mandy [wearing designer boots and matching coat]: shawn, slow down! jody's getting scared.
shawn [testing the wind]: stop a minute. i think we need to turn around.
mandy: don't anyone panic. shawn rolled a 20 in wilderness lore.
shawn: wait ...
mandy: who elected you the leader anyway?
shawn: i'm the only logical choice. you don't want to follow slackers like brad and jody, do you
mandy: you're right. i don't. so get us the hell out of here.
shawn: would you stop dancing like that? you're embarrassing me.
man dressed as monster [leaping from the corn stalks]: boo!
mandy: go away!
[man leaves]
mandy: that was close.
shawn: there's the exit!
mandy: it's about damn time.
brad: i wonder if shawn will be able to find the car.
jody: i can't feel my hands.
July 23, 2004
July 20, 2004
snapshots
because the last "mandy and jody" dialogue was so much fun (for me), i've written more. the series that follows stems from a conversation i had in a bar last friday evening with matt, a seemingly devout mandy and jody fan and overall good guy.
he was under the impression that she and i are related due to the fact that, well, we act like we are. you know, the insults and the bickering and stuff ... here's the history ...
the early days: low income pre-school
mandy [wearing a pretty new pink sweater]: look at my pretty new pink sweater!
jody [wearing jeans and a sweatshirt]: i wish i was as pretty as you.
mandy: don't worry, i'll teach you.
jody: look! mom's showing us how popcorn pops.
mandy: eew! it's on the floor! there's no way i'm eating that!
a little later: junior high
mandy [with her bangs sticking straight up]: do you want to hear my pee-wee herman impersonation?
jody [with a perm]: not particularly.
mandy: ok, let's go to lunch and see if we can get owens and gail to fight about religion.
jody: i'm all for it.
mandy: would you like a spoon for your cheese popcorn?
jody: yes, please.mandy: good answer. cheesy fingers are not pretty.
later still: high school
mandy [whispering in 4th period world cultures]: did you see the guy in the gillette commercial on channel one this morning? he was hot!
jody: oh my god, he was! i hope that one's on again tomorrow.
mr. palo [trying to teach world cultures]: i'm going to put your names on the board to keep you from talking. next time, it's detention.
mandy: if we talk again, we won't be able to get bonus bonus points on the next test.
jody: the horror. it's a good thing we know how to tie square knots.
another world cultures moment
mr. palo [again, trying]: i said the pacific ocean. i meant the sea of japan.
class: *snickers*
mr. palo: i hope you're all using the cornell system of note-taking.
us in college
mandy [dressed up for no apparent reason]: do i know you?
jody [jeans and a sweatshirt]: i don't think so. i like your shoes.
mandy: thanks.
just the other day in email
mandy: i don't think jenna and i are going to the reunion.
jody: like hell you're not. i took time off from work.
mandy: ok, i guess i'll go ... because it's you.
jody: you're damn right. and thanks. you've always been considerate of others' feelings.
mandy: and i'm pretty, too.
jody: that goes without saying.
mandy: this story makes it seem like i think i'm the pretty one and i don't want the readers to think i'm that self-absorbed.
he was under the impression that she and i are related due to the fact that, well, we act like we are. you know, the insults and the bickering and stuff ... here's the history ...
the early days: low income pre-school
mandy [wearing a pretty new pink sweater]: look at my pretty new pink sweater!
jody [wearing jeans and a sweatshirt]: i wish i was as pretty as you.
mandy: don't worry, i'll teach you.
jody: look! mom's showing us how popcorn pops.
mandy: eew! it's on the floor! there's no way i'm eating that!
a little later: junior high
mandy [with her bangs sticking straight up]: do you want to hear my pee-wee herman impersonation?
jody [with a perm]: not particularly.
mandy: ok, let's go to lunch and see if we can get owens and gail to fight about religion.
jody: i'm all for it.
mandy: would you like a spoon for your cheese popcorn?
jody: yes, please.mandy: good answer. cheesy fingers are not pretty.
later still: high school
mandy [whispering in 4th period world cultures]: did you see the guy in the gillette commercial on channel one this morning? he was hot!
jody: oh my god, he was! i hope that one's on again tomorrow.
mr. palo [trying to teach world cultures]: i'm going to put your names on the board to keep you from talking. next time, it's detention.
mandy: if we talk again, we won't be able to get bonus bonus points on the next test.
jody: the horror. it's a good thing we know how to tie square knots.
another world cultures moment
mr. palo [again, trying]: i said the pacific ocean. i meant the sea of japan.
class: *snickers*
mr. palo: i hope you're all using the cornell system of note-taking.
us in college
mandy [dressed up for no apparent reason]: do i know you?
jody [jeans and a sweatshirt]: i don't think so. i like your shoes.
mandy: thanks.
just the other day in email
mandy: i don't think jenna and i are going to the reunion.
jody: like hell you're not. i took time off from work.
mandy: ok, i guess i'll go ... because it's you.
jody: you're damn right. and thanks. you've always been considerate of others' feelings.
mandy: and i'm pretty, too.
jody: that goes without saying.
mandy: this story makes it seem like i think i'm the pretty one and i don't want the readers to think i'm that self-absorbed.
July 19, 2004
girlie girl
that's what denise sometimes calls me when she's trying to get my attention, expressing disappointment, or just being silly. because of it, i'm proud to say i find her neither insulting or homophobic. it makes me laugh ... and that's exactly what i did when i read about what arnold said about lawmakers:
"If they don’t have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don’t want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don’t have the guts, I call them girlie men,' Schwarzenegger said to the cheering crowd at a mall food court in Ontario."
boy, did that piss some people off:
"Democrats said Schwarzenegger’s remarks were insulting to women and gays and distracted from budget negotiations. State Sen. Sheila Kuehl said the governor had resorted to “blatant homophobia."
further ...
"'It uses an image that is associated with gay men in an insulting way, and it was supposed to be an insult. That’s very troubling that he would use such a homophobic way of trying to put down legislative leadership,' said Kuehl, one of five members of the Legislature’s five-member Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Caucus."
of course it's an insult! most likely intended to get lawmakers to re-evaluate what the heck they're doing. people do it all the time. negative reinforcement. it's like that scene in "miracle" (my new favorite movie) where herb calls mcclanahan a candy ass to get everyone fired up. and arnold's not even trying to win a gold medal.
i wonder if the cheering crowd in the food court received similar criticism from the democrats for encouraging an elected official to not only have a personality but also attempt to relate to his constituency by referencing pop culture.
maybe the democrats are right. maybe arnold really meant to insult the entire LGBT community (he's the governor of california, right? just checking.) while at the same time standing up for school and employee rights. maybe i should be offended, too, because i'm a woman.
or! maybe the democrats shouldn't worry so much about arnold's unintentional homophobic denunciation and go back to their desks in washington to re-read that memo from bush ... the one about legalizing discrimination against gays and lesbians? yeah, that's right.
wow ... where did that come from? i never pay attention to the government.
"If they don’t have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don’t want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don’t have the guts, I call them girlie men,' Schwarzenegger said to the cheering crowd at a mall food court in Ontario."
boy, did that piss some people off:
"Democrats said Schwarzenegger’s remarks were insulting to women and gays and distracted from budget negotiations. State Sen. Sheila Kuehl said the governor had resorted to “blatant homophobia."
further ...
"'It uses an image that is associated with gay men in an insulting way, and it was supposed to be an insult. That’s very troubling that he would use such a homophobic way of trying to put down legislative leadership,' said Kuehl, one of five members of the Legislature’s five-member Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Caucus."
of course it's an insult! most likely intended to get lawmakers to re-evaluate what the heck they're doing. people do it all the time. negative reinforcement. it's like that scene in "miracle" (my new favorite movie) where herb calls mcclanahan a candy ass to get everyone fired up. and arnold's not even trying to win a gold medal.
i wonder if the cheering crowd in the food court received similar criticism from the democrats for encouraging an elected official to not only have a personality but also attempt to relate to his constituency by referencing pop culture.
maybe the democrats are right. maybe arnold really meant to insult the entire LGBT community (he's the governor of california, right? just checking.) while at the same time standing up for school and employee rights. maybe i should be offended, too, because i'm a woman.
or! maybe the democrats shouldn't worry so much about arnold's unintentional homophobic denunciation and go back to their desks in washington to re-read that memo from bush ... the one about legalizing discrimination against gays and lesbians? yeah, that's right.
wow ... where did that come from? i never pay attention to the government.
July 18, 2004
back to business
i love how my hair behaves right after it's cut ... unless were talking about that day when i went to the hair cuttery on a whim and the stylist of the hour eliminated my bangs almost completely. yes ... it was sixteen months ago.
in other news, i hope everyone read the comments from july that indicate brad's return from months of silent meditation high in the cold of the alps. his return was marked with an excellent idea ... mandy and me on "the amazing race." i love that. we're totally there. i've even taken the liberty of scripting an episode:
day 17: a stroll thru a vietnamese rice paddy
[censored for sensitive viewers]
mandy [furiously dialing her cell phone, which has been dead for days]: why doesn't this damn thing work?
jody [lugging all the baggage except for one bag of shoes]: because it's been dead for days. i don't know why you can't accept that.
mandy: *bleep*
jody: i don't understand how rice grows.
mandy: i don't give a *bleep* how *bleep*ing rice grows. i just want to find a *bleep*ing cab and get the *bleep* out of here!
jody [passing out from heat exhaustion]: ...
mandy: i hate my hair.
CBS executive 1: this is the greatest episode ever.
CBS executive 2: we should hire brad.
in other news, i hope everyone read the comments from july that indicate brad's return from months of silent meditation high in the cold of the alps. his return was marked with an excellent idea ... mandy and me on "the amazing race." i love that. we're totally there. i've even taken the liberty of scripting an episode:
day 17: a stroll thru a vietnamese rice paddy
[censored for sensitive viewers]
mandy [furiously dialing her cell phone, which has been dead for days]: why doesn't this damn thing work?
jody [lugging all the baggage except for one bag of shoes]: because it's been dead for days. i don't know why you can't accept that.
mandy: *bleep*
jody: i don't understand how rice grows.
mandy: i don't give a *bleep* how *bleep*ing rice grows. i just want to find a *bleep*ing cab and get the *bleep* out of here!
jody [passing out from heat exhaustion]: ...
mandy: i hate my hair.
CBS executive 1: this is the greatest episode ever.
CBS executive 2: we should hire brad.
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