where grilled cheese came from

there's now a suggestion box in the cafeteria. i'd tell you the name of the cafeteria, but you'd think it's much too silly and i must be making it up.

ok, it's capital yum.

told ya. maybe i should make a suggestion.

anyway ... it's time for a story!

when was processed meat invented? i don't know ... probably in the 40s during "the war." that's when everything else was invented. so that'll be when our story takes place.

where was it invented? i'm going with oscartown on this one because the company info portion of the oscar mayer website says it a lot.

picture this: it's march, 1942 in oscartown. you're a cute blonde girl, about 27-ish years old. you're a desk jockey, and a damn good one. against your own best judgment (and your new year's resolution), you have to eat lunch in the company cafeteria every now and then. maybe it's because your best friend is on a cruise, or because neil wasn't at his desk at 12.30, or because everyone else shot down your offer. (you really need to start bringing lunch with you.)

from pork and pasta to salad and stir fry, you've methodically tried and ruled out the gamut of sodhexo offerings. lately, you've been getting sandwiches. they seem safe. salami, roast beef, chicken salad. then one fateful day it's turkey. slimy, shiny, processed turkey. how bad can it be?

your fourth bite finds something crunchy. and it's not lettuce - you already took that off because it tasted like dirt. so, out from between the slices of bread comes the gelatinous substance, leaving you with only cheese. with the enthusiasm of a clam, you work on choking down what's left of the sandwich. it's then that a random fellow employee wanders by and notices your pathetic lunch.

"cheese sandwich, huh?" reminding you how boring it is. "maybe you should cook it or something."
i know it doesn't fit the setting, but by some miracle there happens to be a george foreman grill in the galley. it fades into thin air after you finish making your sandwich.

there you have it! the grilled cheese sandwich is invented. like most artists, you go on to live a life of absolutely no fame or fortune, but your contribution to future generations of desk jockeys who have to eat in crummy cafeterias is immense ... and we thank you.