harmony restored

you can't blame moses ... after all, he's only human. and as anyone can attest, one of the defining qualities of a human is an absolute lack of patience. had he not been in such a hurry to get the first 10 down the hill, we'd have, in my estimation, at least seven more commandments to enforce. since they didn't come with him, they can't officially be called "commandments" and are more like guidelines for living:

• thou shalt not leave unwashed dishes in the sink for more than three days (in a row).
• thou shalt change the radio station immediately upon the realization that it's a sugar ray song.
• thou shalt never drive a car smaller than thy daughter's car, lest thou livest the rest of thy life in complete embarrassment.

they get more complex from here, but I kind of like the third one. i've always driven small cars. other words for “small” in this case include: timeworn, unstable, leaky, and dreadful. granted, the Civic was an excellent car until it hit 128,000 miles and had a change of heart.

mom has always driven the biggest car in our family. before it was a 4Runner, it was a pick-up ... and before that i think it was the station wagon ... and before that, i don't know, she had a Camaro that she drove to meet cops.

anyway! after the last 4Runner came the slightly smaller RAV4, which she kept for only a few months after my Civic's personality crisis. why? i replaced it with an Escape. it threw everything out of alignment. we might both have been washing our roofs while standing on a milk crate, but i was tiptoe ... and taking up more space in the driveway ... with bigger wheels ... using more water. the indignity!

maybe 19 seconds after the cars dried, she decided she needed to own an Escape; as long as she didn't get a yellow one, we'd be mostly even, and that was good enough for both of us.

she immediately bought an Explorer.

the moral: mom's a tricky one ... you have to keep an eye on her. but at least she follows the guidelines. by the way, here's another one:

• thou might as well buy it now since, no matter how much you hate the idea, you're probably going to end up driving an automatic ford someday anyway.