farewell, mort! i'll miss you.

i fear that with this posting, mort will disappear. which saddens me, really. didn't anyone else think he was funny? what's wrong with you people? i laughed myself to tears during the hour it took to get a decent picture of my caller ID and subsequently figure out the magic of hello to post it. i say "magic" and you think, "wow, hello must be a dream to use." the reality is that i don't often post pictures simply because i can't figure out how i managed it in the first place ... and the so-called help screens are the opposite of what they claim to be. i've tried and tried and tried to post a picture of my water heater, and the software keeps having endless "conversations" with god knows what or who ... but then it gets upset with me when i try to interrupt. from now on i guess i'll just use flickr. i have a few pictures there, and from what i remember it never did anything to offend my ultra delicate sensibilities, so i'll try it again. not that i have a camera worthy of the effort. ah well ... who knows ... maybe mort will stick around a little longer.

honestly, i don't have anything witty, creative, informative, or even the least bit interesting to say. and, as you can tell by the date of my last posting, haven't had anything witty, creative, informative, or even the least bit interesting to say for a month. i'm only writing today to stop the argument going on in my last post. so there.

now to the question of why i haven't been missing ... i have it narrowed it down to two possibilities:

#1: i have severe writer's block. the evening news had been my main source of inspiration ... at least until i posted and immediately unposted a completely tasteless bit inspired by the terri schiavo case, having decided that i had no business commenting on nationally-debated news stories and should stick to the stuff no one hears about. it was at that unfortunate point that i reached my tolerance level for stupid people. do i really want to write about how much of a freak i think michael jackson is or how society only suffers with the announcement of britney's "confinement?" no. you already know that. i could actually give you my reactions to the pope's death, but it would be all sad and insightful, and would end with a lashing out at news coverage for spending hours upon hours asking doctors how much longer he could live without kidney function and counting down his final moments rather than remembering and celebrating his inspiring life and legacy. the only thing missing was dick clark.

#2: i'm dead. it's hard to tell the difference, i know, between living jody and dead jody. there are subtle differences like breathing, eating, response to stimuli ... when i ran my knee into a filing cabinet this morning, it hurt. that's a pretty good sign that i'm alive. i'm positive, however, that i'm not "undead." if that were the case, aaron would have flown up to shoot me in the head by now. he's been here inside a month, and neither did he shoot me, nor did i try to rip him in half at the abdomen. can you blame our mother for being proud? i can think of plenty of times as a kid, adolescent, and moments-younger-than-i-am-right-now-adult when i've tried to rip aaron in half; and i'm sure there have been plenty of times when he's wanted to shoot me in the head with all forms of random projectiles. that's just what it means to be family.

whew! this has really worn me out ... i better go take a nap.

see ya next month!